Momma Jayd

AF arrived at 15dpo. Crushed? Yes. Surprised? No. This sucks. I guess it's onto our last month of Clomid, then we'll have to re-evaluate our situation and figure out where we go from here.

I want a baby. :(

Not to get my hopes up, that is. Which is proving to be fairly difficult this time. I'm 11dpo and my temp is still up... In fact, it's at it's highest today. Usually (as in EVERY month) my temp crashes on or before 11dpo. However, I'm still getting BFN's. So my emotions are conflicted. I know my hopes are up, but I also have huuuge doubts. I gotta admit... If AF shows her face I'm probably going to be heartbroken and discouraged. I won't give up and I'll get over it, but I will be crushed for the first while.

I'm feeling kind of "iffy" about our chance of conception this month. I usually don't ovulate until at LEAST CD20... So I completely was not expecting it at CD 16. We almost didn't even have sex that day, but I noticed some EWCM (just a teensy weensy bit) that day, so I made sure we did just in case, not expecting it to be an issue. We also had sex 2 days before ovulation, and the day after... But usually we have sex every 24ish hours for a few days leading up to ovulation, the day of ovulation, and the day after... I don't know. I suppose anything is possible. I just wished we had of timed it better...

I don't know if I'm overwhelmed or underwhelmed... I'm kinda bouncing back and forth between the two, so I'm just going to use the term "whelmed." This whole TTC mess is really starting to take it's toll on me... So much so that I told both my SIL (so essentially my whole family) and DH's SIL (so essentially HIS whole family) that we initially started trying over a year and nine months ago and are having a rough time just so everyone would stop saying, "Oh, it's time for another one!" or "Time for Kiwi to have a little brother or sister, don't you think?" We wanted another since Kiwi was 8 months old... Thanks for reminding me that I'm failing. I always get the random urge to burst out into tears without so much as a warning these days. It's so stupid. I'm so frustrated with myself for feeling this way, but I can't help it. I know I just need to have faith, but I'm having trouble holding onto whatever shreds of it are left. I feel bad for feeling like this because I know there are people who have tried much longer than I have. I try to consume my time with Kiwi and household projects and whatever else I can, and that used to work great, but I find it creeping into my mind more and more as we creep ever closer to that 2 year mark.

The HSG went well... No blockages! Which means no surgery! Which is a huge bonus. But now I still don't know why I'm not conceiving... Only 2 more tries left.

It's been a while since I last posted. I got discouraged after the drop in temp and kind of avoided pregnancy related stuff for a while. Obviously last month I got a BFN. I was supposed to get a HSG, but thanks to a crappy shedule at my hospital they weren't able to fit me in on time, so if I don't get pregnant this month then I'll be getting the HSG. I'm slightly freaking out that I have a blockage from my C-Section and that's why I haven't gotten pregnant yet. I don't know how I'd handle that information. I don't even know what they'd have to do in that situation to fix it, but I'm willing to bet that it would mean a break in TTC. We picked up some Pre-Seed when we were in the city and tried it out this cycle, so hopefully that ups our chances a tiny bit. If we don't get pregnant this cycle we only have November and December left before we have to take a break from the clomid. :( After that I'm not sure if I'll want to continue with the clomid or if I'll want to try a different route... maybe injectables? I guess I'll just have to wait and see what the future holds, but hopefully I wont have to make that decision.

BFN. Major drop in temp. *sigh* :(

Well, I tested yesterday morning at 9dpo... BFN. I also had an itty bitty temp drop that morning... Nothing signficant, and it was still way above what my temp normally is, but it was enough to plant the seed of doubt in my mind. But this morning at 10dpo it rose back up a little, so if my temp doesn't drop in the morning I'll be testing again then. I've been pretty nauseated. Yesterday I almost threw up in the grocerey store for no reason in particular. This morning I threw up after breakfast, also for no reason. It just hit me out of nowhere. I've also been cramping lightly on and off, and today my nipples hurt like nobody's business, but that is the extent of my "symptoms." My fingers are crossed that this is it, but I guess only time will tell.

My temp went up again this morning (8dpo) and around now it usually starts to drop a tiny bit with a more aggressive drop in the next couple days... The last couple times I've temped my heart has been in my throat thinking that my temp was going to have gone down... I'm just waiting for it to happen. If they stay up, though, I'll be testing in 2 days.

Also, this is the least erratic chart I've seen in the last few months since I started the clomid. I hope it's a good sign. I don't want to have to do the HSG and more fertility meds and god knows whatever other treatments they'll throw at me... Of course I will, and I'll do it with a smile on my face... But almost 20 months of longing for a baby is starting to take it's toll on my psychie. I know other people have and currently are going through longer fertility treatments than me, and my heart goes out to them big time. I don't know how much more disappointment I can take.

To POAS that is. I'll be 7dpo tomorrow, and I know that, like, 90% of the time that's way too early to even get a positive if I were pregnant. But something about 7dpo just kicks my POAS addiction into hyperdrive and I become manic obsessive about it. lol. Oi vey. I'm going to try and hold out until 10dpo... or at least 9dpo....Key word being "try." I hate to waste a test when I know it's going to be negative, but there is always this little nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "But it only costs $1.25..." I really hope this is our month. We're halfway through the 6 months that we can use the clomid, and I'm terrified that we're not going to get pregnant before I have to take a break. I know I just have to think positive, but at this point it's hard. Oh well, wish us luck!

Fertility friend gave me my crosshairs! Yay! I don't think I've ever had my temp go up this high. I know it's way too early to have "symptoms" but hopefully it's a good sign of a nice, strong ovulation.

Well, I'm pretty sure I ovulated... Or I'm getting sick. I had a pretty significant temp spike this morning. Of course I ovulate the day that we skipped sex. But we did do the deed the two days before ovualtion, and I woke my husband up this morning after temping to get some more spermies up there for good measure. lol. Here's hoping it was enough! I was getting worried that I wouldn't ovulate or something, or I'd ovulate REALLY late and end up not being able to get my HSG next month because I'd be out in Calgary. At least this way if I don't get pregnant then I'll be able to take that next step.

On another note, I'm getting really depressed seeing people who started trying for a baby AFTER I did (or even not trying) get pregnant, going through their pregnancy, and give birth... All before I even get anywhere close to having a BFP. I mean, I'm happy for them and everything, but every time it happens my heart breaks a little more.

Well, I've neglected to update for the last couple of months. I've been too busy with mine and my husbands wedding preparations, a family emergency, and a little jealouy at the recent BFP's I've been hearing about lately. I'm still not pregnant, I'm on round 3 of Clomid, and I should be ovulating at any moment. Fingers crossed that we catch a bean that sticks this month, but if not then my OB is sending me for a HSG to make sure that my tubes are not blocked, and also because it apparently increases your odds of concieving. So, wish me luck!

Well, it's been a while... I am now 6dpo! My temps seem to be cooperating and staying above coverline for the most part, so it looks like the Clomid worked! That makes me unbelievably happy! :D Now all I need to do is get a BFP... Chaz wants me to start testing tomorrow at 7dpo... Which I know is too early, but I'm happy to oblige. :) lol.

Well, I took my last dose of Clomid two nights ago, and now I'm just waiting for AF to vacate the premises. It has been trying to leave for a few nights now, but every time that it is just about gone I get another little gush of bright red blood and it holds on for another few hours. Here's hoping today is the day it decides to finally stop.

I didn't think the symptoms would kick in this quick... I'm not sure if it's the extreme PMS this cycle, the heat, or the Clomid... But I have been an UBER Bitch. My poor fiance. :( lol. Oh my. I hope these symptoms don't stick around too long after I stop the Clomid.

And I took my first Clomid pill. And now we wait.

So not "Yay!" anymore. I'm still happy that AF is here, but it is suuuppppeeerrrr heavy and uncomfortable. I had forgotten how bad the Provera makes them. Hopefully it doesn't last very long this time! Last time it lasted two weeks... Hopefully the Clomid takes care of that.

I started my period! Yay! :) Clomid, here I come!

It's been about 4-ish days since I took my last Provera pill. So, two weeks since I started taking them. And I have nothing to show for it. I have taken Provera 3 time before this, and each time AF started before I finished... This time I was spotting when I started taking them, then 3 days later the spotting stopped. Now nothing. Except cramps... But I've had them for a few days so I don't think they mean anything is impending. I just wish that my body would cooperate just ONCE. :(

Today I took the first Provera pill. I guess now it's back to the waiting...

Still no AF, so I will be calling my Doctor today to get a prescription for Provera. I hope it doesn't take forever to kick in... I wonder if it will work faster since I'm already spotting?! I hope so. Hopefully this time next week I'll be starting my Clomid... fingers crossed!

It's Friday night... Or, rather, Saturday morning. Still spotting, but still no full blown AF. It's looking like I'm going to have to get the Provera on Monday. I hope it doesn't take too long to kick in, but either way it's looking like July is going to be our first real month of trying. :)

Well, I'm officially joining the Clomid Club! He started me on the medium dose (100mg) instead of the low dose (50mg) for some reason, but I'm not complaining. I'm also going to continue to take the Metformin throughout everything. He said that my hormones were "excellent" and that my uterine lining was "100% better" and that it was back to normal thickness. I was very happy to hear that because the fact that I had a "very thick" uterine lining is one of the things that was stressing me out most the last little while. I have been spotting for the last 5 days so he wants to wait until Monday to see if AF shows up, and if not he will call in a Provera prescription for me to get the b*tch jump-started. Then I'll take the Clomid from CD 5-9 and go back in a month after I take it and go from there... All in all I'm happy with this course of action for now. I kind of wish I was taking the Clomid from CD 3-7 because I've read a lot of people have had success using it on those days, but I doubt 2 days is going to make a whole heap of difference. Hopefully in 3 or 4 weeks I'll finally ovulate, and maybe even (fingers crossed but not holding my breath) get a sticky bean?!?! :) Here is hoping.

It's the day of my appointment, and my daughter decided that 4:00am would be a great time to wake up. It's now 6:00am, and my appointment isn't until 2:40pm. It's going to be a long day.

My appointment is tomorrow! I am excited and nervous. I haven't been thinking much about my uterine lining, but today it has been stuck in my head. So I did a Google search. Apparently thick uterine lining can make it difficult for a bean to implant, and if it does implant then it can cause issues with carrying to term. :( So now I'm kind of worried. Anything over 15mm is a problem, and I was told that mine was "VERY thick" so I'm almost 100% positive that it's over 15mm. I'm worried... I'm worried that we are going to have to do a bunch more tests to figure out the why and how, and it's going to take a long time. I'm worried that I wont be able to get a bean to stick, and I'm worried that if I do get a bean to stick that the thick lining is going to cause a miscarriage or something. The only bright side in all of this is that Clomid is know to cause thinning of the uterine lining, so perhaps this will be a non-issue... Fingers crossed. I'm also looking into Red Raspberry Leaf tea. It's a uterine tonic, so I'm hoping it might help.

I guess I'll find out more tomorrow.

Longest. Days. Ever.

I'm getting antsy! :)

Today we took my daughter to our Family Doctor for a check up and mid-appointment she looks at me and says, "I had a dream that you were pregnant. I half expected you to tell me that you were when I walked in the door." So I was just kind of like, "Uhm, no. Not to my knowledge, but it'd be pretty awesome if I was." It struck me as odd that out of hundreds of patients she had a dream about me... and that I was pregnant, no less.

To make it a little more interesting a few hours after I went home I went to use the washroom, and I have some brown spotting. Coincidence? Most likely, especially if you consider how little sex we had this month. lol.

Oh well, if I'm pregnant - Fantastic. If it's AF... That's fine, because it would put me at a great point in my cycle to take the Clomid if I get it at my appointment in 5 days. If it's just random spotting... Well, I'm getting Clomid and likely Provera in 5 days anyhow, so it's all good. Haha.

I think the lack of ovulation and/or a period is really starting to cause a build up of access hormones in my system.... I suppose it doesn't help that I'm completely and utterly stressed out. The last couple days have been filled with seemingly endless highs and lows... One minute I'm happy go lucky, then next I want to rip someone's face off, then I'll want to cry about it, and the next thing you know I'm laughing at myself for being so crazy. I know that your hormones go ape-shit in pregnancy, and most people would say that I should "get used to it" since I'm TTC... But damn. I've been through pregnancy, and these mood swings are MUCH worse than any I've experienced before. I'm not sure if I can handle much more... and I sure as hell don't know how Chaz is handling it.

I went looking for Mucinex or Guaifenesin Tablets yesterday to figure out how much they cost, but it turns out Mucinex isn't available in Canada and they places around here have tried, unsuccessfully, for the last little while to get Guaifenesin Tablets in. So, I'm stuck either buying online (Which I am SUPER reluctant to do, considering people could easily tamper with it) or going with the Robitussin... I have found a type (Extra Strength Congestion) that has Guaifenesin as the only active ingredient, but I'm still hesitant about it. I'm going to have to do a little more research into it I think. Here's hoping I can find something, for cheap, that will work.

1 week and 4 days, and counting, until my OB appointment...

I don't really have any updating to do on my situation. Nothing new is happening, really. But I am looking into different fertility aids. So far I'm thinking about trying Guaifenesin Tablets (Mucinex/Robitussin) and Preseed when I start Clomid... I was also looking into Instead SoftCups, but I'm not sold on them yet. I have always kind of wanted to try the Clear Blue Fertility Monitor, but I'm scared I'd jinx myself into getting my money's worth out of it. lol. And I'd like to be pregnant before that time comes if at all possible.

It's been a while since I last posted, but there isn't really anything to update. I haven't ovulated and it doesn't look like I'm going to. Still waiting for my OB appointment. I called and asked to be put on the cancellation list, but who knows if I'll get in early. If not then I have two weeks and three days left to wait...

My temp this morning was back up again... It isn't rising at all, but it is staying above the coverline, which is good. Even if I don't conceive this month I will be a little happy if I actually ovulate. And, apparently, I'm 5dpo right now. I hope this is for real this time.

My temp dropped. A lot. Like, the lowest it has ever been... but I also woke up freezing cold. It was hot out when we went to bed, but then temperature outside dropped overnight and Chaz stole all of the blankets. lol. I decided to discard it after talking to a few ladies on TPF and see how things go tomorrow...

Fertility Friend gave me my crosshairs today, so I am supposedly 3dpo. I'm hoping that this time it's for real, but I wouldn't be surprised if I had a repeat of last month where Fertility Friend kept switching up my ovulation date, and then eventually the crosshairs disappeared all together. I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'm expecting my temp to drop back down any day now.

Google can be the enemy. Seriously. I've been googling PCOS and "Thick Uterine Lining" and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. It seems that I have a few of the symptoms of PCOS, but my hormones are normal. Which lead me to looking for other causes of thick uterine lining.. So, of course, being the curious person I am I decided to open up Google and get my search on... Bad idea. I was greeted with page after page about endometrial cancer. Greeeaaaaaaaat. I doubt I have it, but it's just one more thing that I get to worry about. *sigh* And I'm still Googling it... I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm calling tomorrow for my newest Ultrasound results... hopefully they are in.... and hopefully my uterine lining is back to normal.

It's been a few days since I last posted, but not much has changed. I still haven't ovulated, I still don't have any answers... I had an ultrasound done a week ago to check the thickness of my uterine lining because at my last ultrasound it was very thick... I made a comment about how I hope there was nothing too wrong going on in there, and the Tech was like, "Well, I am not allowed to say anything.... The radiologist will look at it, and your results should be back in a week or so... " which I expected, but she had been so upbeat during the whole appointment, and when she said that she just sounded melancholy. Perhaps I was just reading into it too much. I hope there isn't anything bad going on in there...

I had a temp dip yesterday, and today I had a temp rise... So I'm hoping that maybe I ovulated. But I've had that hope a couple times already an nothing has come of it, so I'm going to try not to get my hopes up too high. I can not wait until June so I can just get on the freaking Clomid and forget about all this stupid guessing.

I thought I may have ovulated, but my temps don't back it up. And I know I've been taking them right this cycle. Yesterday afternoon/last night I had some sharp pains and light cramps in or around my right ovary that felt like what people describe as ovulation pain, and I had a temp rise this morning but it was only by a couple tenths of a degree... not enough of an indicator of anything. I'm not sure if it just takes your body a couple days to register ovulation, or what... But I'm starting to worry that this might be another anovulatory cycle. I was so sure that my body would start working on it's own again after I got a visit from AF a week after starting the Metformin... I think I got my hopes up too high. And now that things don't seem to be working it's weighing heavy on my mind, and on my heart. I can't help but get frustrated... why me? Why so young? I stopped ovulating at age 16.... 3 freaking years after I started. That can't be normal. And ever since then I've needed some kind of intervention... Either Provera or birth control or some other hormone... stuff to keep it going. I come from a bigger family, and I loved it growing up. I want that for Kyliegh... and I'm scared I'm not going to be able to give it to her. And that breaks my heart.

I am cautiously optimistic that I may have ovulated yesterday. I had a little temp spike this morning, and for the last couple days I have been more than willing to BD... a lot. Whereas usually I could go for a whole week (or more) without even thinking about sex. I was actually turned down by Chaz... sadly that was yesterday. The day I may have ovulated. If I didn't know that there was definitely enough baby juice in my system to cover our bases I would probably be pretty depressed about it. Hahaha. I'm going to try to not get my hopes up, because I have had temp spikes in my previous cycle that turned out to be nothing, but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

I hope you're here to stay. :)

The last few days I want sex. All. The. Time. I don't know if I'm ovulating, or if it's from the Metformin, or what. Either way I'm thinking that Chaz is happy. lol.

I'm on CD 14... I know that technically that means nothing for me, but I can't help but be a little excited that I might ovulate soon. If I do and I manage to catch the egg by some miracle, then I might have a New Years Baby! How cool would that be? :)

I know, on average, a woman will ovulate on CD 14... Today is CD 13. I don't expect to ovulate tomorrow, but perhaps in the next week or so. If I even ovulate. I'm hoping to have a normal cycle, but since it's only my first month on Metformin I'm not holding my breath... But I'd be lying if I said the waiting wasn't killing me.

If someone wants to have a Repeat C-Section then that's their choice. I'm not going to preach the benefits of a VBAC for mother and Baby, I'm not going to tell them about all the risks associated with C-Sections... I mean, it's up to every person to make the decisions that they think are best for them and their family. But I get REALLY annoyed when people post completely ignorant statements about VBAC's. On another site (I wont say which, but it's a VBAC support group) I read a post about people who were planning repeat C-Sections and saying some things that were crazy. "I talked to my Dr and I'm doing a RCS because he told me about the risks " ...Really? Because the risk to mother and baby are much higher with a RCS. "I have other chidlren at home, and don't want to risk a vaginal birth because I want to be there for them if something went wrong." Again, the risks are higher for a RCS than a Vbac... "Oh, the recovery is longer for VBAC." Actually, it's shorter. The same as any vaginal birth. And I have another child at home that I want to be able to hold and play with... I can't do that while caring for a newborn AND recovering from major surgery... And, finally, "I won't feel any less of a woman for not choosing VBAC, so I'm doing a RCS." That's great! Good for you! But it's not about "feeling like a woman" it's about what I think is best for my baby and my family, it has nothing to do with my own personal needs.

I mean... I will ALWAYS do what I think is best for my children and my family. If it comes down to me needing another C-Section for a medical reason, then yes I will get one. I just get annoyed with ignorant statements like these that imply that I am being a horrible person because I want to have a VBAC. I just wish people would do their research before spouting out things like this. If you're planning on having a Repeat C-Section it's all fine and dandy. I'm not putting RCS down... for some people that is the best option, and that's fine. I'm just annoyed with people who judge VBACs without even knowing what they're talking about.
If anything, though, these statements have probably pushed me into wanting a VBAC even more. So I guess there is one upside. lol.
/end rant*

I'm not sure which is worse... Waiting to ovulate, or waiting to test. I'm on day 2 of temping... I probably wont ovulate (If I even DO ovulate) for another week or more. I think this is going to be a loooongggg week. Then, if I ovulate, it's back to the waiting for another 2 weeks. *sigh* I feel like I've been waiting forever already. I know some people have waited even longer than me, so I feel bad complaining about it... but it's hard not to. It's been over a year now... A year is a long time. I remember last year on this day I posted an April Fool's pregnancy announcement on Facebook, and all I remember thinking at the time was "I wish this wasn't an April Fool's joke." Oh well... I guess the longer I wait, the sweeter it will be when I finally get that BFP. I just hope I don't have to wait too much longer...

To start temping, that is. It looks like AF is on her way out the door. I have some light spotting right now, but it doesn't seem like it's going to last very long. It's likely that tomorrow is going to be my first day of temping! :)

I never would have given myself that label... After all, I have a daughter. I have been pregnant, I have given birth, I am a Mommy... therefore I can not be infertile, right? Well, the more I think about it, the more convinced I become that my daughter was just simply a miracle. I mean... I stopped ovulating for a year straight when I was 16 years old. 3 years into "womanhood" and it just up and stopped working. And ever since then I've been having problems. The only thing that regulated me was birth control, and even though I was having a period every month I don't know if that means I was actually ovulating. I was even told, straight to my face by an Obstetrician, that there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to conceive. But somehow I did... And I have a wonderful, amazing, beautiful daughter out of it. My miracle. And now here I am, trying for number two and hoping against hope that the fertility treatments will work, that my body will fix itself, and that we can be blessed again...So, God, if you're listening... I could use another miracle.

She finally reared her ugly head! And I was never so happy to see her. I was thinking about how much lighter AF seemed this time around, and I was coming to the conclusion that it was just breakthrough bleeding or something... but then it dawned on me... This is how AF used to be, back when I had normal cycles. I've gotten so used to ever-lasting, super-duper heavy periods that I had completely forgotten that I used to have a medium/light flow that lasted 4 - 5 days tops. I'm hoping this is a good sign, and that it means my body is regulating itself. I can't wait for AF to be over now so we can get back to the baby-making, and so that I can get back to temping. I'm scared it's just a fluke and I'm not really ovulating, and I'm not going to believe it unless I see it on a chart or something. Even if I don't get pregnant right away (Although that would be EPIC) I'd be happy to know that my body is on the mend and working on it's own accord...

Can you tell?

Well, it feels like it's been a long time coming, but I finally have an action plan on getting pregnant! I visited my OBGYN on the 16th or March and he put me on Metformin. He was originally just going to put me on Clomid but he said it's kind of pricey, so he put me on Metformin instead. It is a drug for diabetics with Type 2 Diabetes... it helps regualte sugars in the system, which also regualtes the insulin in the system. I guess access insulin can cause fertility problems in women, and it's one of the bigger factors in PCOS (Which I haven't been diagnosed with, but I have a sneaking suspicion that might be the case.). Anyhow, I do have elevated sugars, and my Family Doctor has coined me as Pre-Diabetic, so maybe this Metformin will help me out in more than one way. It's also supposed to help with weight loss, and seeing as how I started a lifestyle change at the beginning of March (I'm down almost 15lbs in a little over 2 weeks!) it might also help me out in getting healthier. Fingers crossed! I did see the tiniest bit of brown spotting the other day when I wiped, so I hope that means things in my system are starting to get moving! Wish me luck! :)

Well, my eggo is still not preggo. Unfortunately.

But really... not much has changed. Still waiting for AF to rear her ugly head, but so far I've just had lots of EWCM. I bought a test today for the morning, but I didn't realize that it wasn't a very sensitive one until I got it home... So even if I do test in the morning I don't know how accurate it's going to be. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see!

...But it was to be expected this early in the game. I'm still holding out hope. I'm 10 dpo today, but I haven't tested. I'm going to wait until tomorrow morning, then test with another Dollarama test. I got a pack of 2 digitals, so if I see a hint of a line then I'm prepared! lol. Fingers still crossed!

Sorry it's so blurry, it's from my cell phone.

...and I just don't know what to think. I did get a line, and it showed up before the time limit. At first I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a faint faint positive because I could see some color to it... But I'm thinking that maybe it was just the dye from the test itself. I can kind of see color to it, but I just don't know... But I'm not giving up hope yet, it's still early. I'm only 9dpo.... I'm just annoyed because I got a little hopeful there. lol. Most of the ladies on TPF that seen the picture seem to think that it is possibly a BFP, and that makes me kind of hopeful! But I also don't want to get too excited, just in case it isn't. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings! I'll be keeping my fingers, toes and eyes crossed until then. ;)

It's very hard to see here because the picture is too small, but this is the test from this morning...

I finally got my letter in the mail from Mia-Angel. I have already done everything the letter asked me to, except put some silver coins under my mattress... which will have to wait because my daughter is taking a nap. lol. The charm is cute... it`s a little cat carved out of snow quartz. I had a string necklace that the charm had fallen off, so I just attached it to that and hung it around my neck. She said it can take anywhere from a couple weeks to 9 months for the spell to work, and that she would recast every 12 weeks if I wanted her to during that time period... Well, she cast the spell the night before I ovulated this cycle, so I guess now it`s just a waiting game. :)

This is the charm... You can`t really tell very well from this picture, but there are details etched into the stone as well. It`s actually pretty cute.

Cute story... After I got the package I was pretty excited. I took out the charm and passed it to our daughter to look at, and I told her that this was supposed to help bring her a brother or sister. She held it up, kissed it, and held it out to Daddy. She then got him to kiss it, and then she held it up to me and made kissy noises, so I kissed it too. She`s such a little doll... I know she doesn`t actually understand. She loves cats, that`s why she was getting us to kiss it. But the timing was just too adorable, and it melted my heart nonetheless. :)

Well, on 6dpo I had a pretty big dip in my temp.... so big that my crosshairs actually disappeared. But then this morning, 7dpo, there was a HUGE spike and my crosshairs are back again... I've been doing a little bit of research, and I've found that the dip could possibly be an implantation dip. And the temp rise could be due to the progesterone produced in early pregnancy, or the HCG. So hopefully it's a good sign, but I'm not going to get my hopes up... or at least I'm going to try not to. lol. But either way hopefully my temp will stay up tomorrow!

Here are a couple excerpts from things I've found on the internet...

This one is from Amazing Pregnancy...
"Some women may notice a second rise in temperature around the time of implantation. This typically would occur around 6 days after ovulation. This is referred to as a triphasic pattern. In some rare cases, a woman may notice that her temp stays higher after ovulation, but will slightly dip around 6 days after ovulation; this also can be an indication that implantation has occurred."

And this is from Fertility Friend...
"A triphasic chart can be promising, however, because progesterone levels generally increase after implantation (7-10 days past ovulation) in conception cycles, and sometimes this results in a triphasic pattern. If your chart shows a second significant thermal shift that begins 7-10 days past ovulation, Fertility Friend will indicate a triphasic pattern in the Pregnancy Monitor. A triphasic chart, however, is not a definite sign that you are or are not pregnant. It is just increasing your probability if you also have well-timed intercourse. Likewise, you can be pregnant and not have a triphasic pattern. Like all signs of possible implantation or pregnancy, you can really only speculate about it once a pregnancy has already been confirmed."

...Fingers Crossed!!!

I finally got my crosshairs on Fertility Friend! I was pretty discouraged when I put my temp in this morning and they didn't show up... But when I got up this morning I took a look at my chart and I realized that I had put in the wrong number! So I changed it to the right one, and low and behold my crosshairs popped up! I'm so excited! My first crosshairs! That means that today I am 5dpo... Only another 5 before I can start testing. lol. Fingers crossed we caught the egg!

I recently told Kiwi that someday Mommy is going to have a baby in her belly that is going to grow up and be her brother or sister. I know that she is only 18 months old and doesn't get the concept, but now she will randomly kiss or tap my belly and say "Baby!' It is too cute. I keep telling her, "No baby yet, but there will be one there someday." She has recently taken to toting her baby dolls around the house. She cuddles them, rocks them, kisses them, and even "burps" them. And she LOVES taking them for rides up and down the hallway in their stroller. It melts my heart. She is going to make a spectacular big sister when the time comes. I can't wait... :)

I honestly don't know how people can stand the two week wait. I want to test. NOW. Even though I know there is no possible way that I would get a positive. It's wayyy to early. But I'm seriously about to start peeing on cut up strips of paper and pretending that it's a HPT.... Just kidding. But I think this is going to be the longest two weeks of my life.

Well, my temp stayed up! It didn't raise any higher, but it didn't drop either. Hopefully tomorrow I will have my Crosshairs on FF! I'm having some slight cramping/aching on my right side, but I'm 99% sure I ovulated two days ago. Is it possible to get cramps after ovulation? I'm still so new to keeping tabs on my body like this every little twinge and tickle has got me questioning what is going on. lol.

In other news, still no letter in the mail as of yesterday... I haven't gotten to the mailbox yet today. Maybe there will be a surprise waiting for me! :) I can't wait to see what the charm looks like.

Well, it looks like the last scratch ticket was right at least when it said "Fertile"... Pretty sure I ovulated last night! I noticed that I had a lot of stretchy EWCM a bit later last night, and when I temped this morning the temperature spiked up above the previous six temps, so it looks promising! And our BD timing was pretty great the last few days! So if my temperature stays up over the next couple days I should get my Crosshairs of Fertility Friend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the other two tickets are going to prove to be fortune tellers and that my "Egg" will "Implant" and in 40-ish weeks I will go into "Labor." :D

My fiance, we'll call him Chaz, bought me a scratch ticket today. I had just started scratching it when something caught my eye... Fourth row down going across.

Now, if that wasn't enough, Chaz won on his ticket. He then bought each of us another ticket. I once again got another crossword. Guess what it said? Take a look three rows down and you will see what I mean.

What a freaking coincidence, right? Well, hold on to your hats, because it gets better! I sent Chaz to town to get milk for our daughter (Whom we will call Kiwi from here on out) and he came back with another scratch ticket for me because, once again, he won on his. Well, low and behold, there was another word waiting for me! Take a look at this little gem... Fifth row, going down.

I swear to you I am NOT making this up. lol. This is just friggin hilarious. The funniest thing is... We pretty much NEVER buy scratch tickets. Once in a blue moon maybe. The only reason he kept buying them is because he kept doubling what he spent on the tickets. lol.

I think someone up above is playing mind games with me.

Please give me an ovulation temperature spike in the morning. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Wants Her Body Working Properly For Once.

I'm on Cycle Day 28, 14 days after AF ended, and I still haven't ovulated to my knowledge... Looking at my temperatuew chart I highly doubt I did. Anyhow, today I had some watery, redish, brownish, pinkish spotting with a tiny, itty bitty little clot in it (Which I guess could have been left over from AF? I don't know). There was enough of it to leave an inch-ish round spot in my underwear, but after wiping a couple times there was nothing left, and there hasn't been anything since. I`m confused to what it could be. At first I thought maybe AF was starting, but after no more signs of spotting for over 6 hours I`m not so sure it is... I`ve also read up on Ovulation Bleeding... It`s not common, but it can happen. And then there is Implantation Bleeding, which I highly doubt because I`m almost positive I did not ovulate yet. I asked the ladies on TPF but they came up with the same answers I did... I`m not surprised, though. There isn`t much else that mid-cycle bleeding could be. If it is AF then I hope that this is just my cycle working itself out after the Provera so that I can get back on track and actually ovulate next month. Wish me Luck!

Well, Mia-Angel got back to us! She did our Casting on Sunday night, and she was supposed to be shipping out our instructions and talismans on Monday morning! I`m pretty excited to get it. :) My Best Friend, let`s call her Cara for privacy sake, was mentioning to me that a lot of the lucky ladies on the forums she was reading up on seen frogs around the time thier packages were delivered, and I guess that is supposed to be a good omen. I`ve been keeping my eyes open for frogs... and I seen one! On my Mother In-Laws fridge. It was a marnet. lol. Too bad I didn`t get the letter in the mail that day... Oh well, guess I`ll just have to keep a lookout for them! Too bad this is the dead of winter... This little escapade might have been easier in the spring or summer...

We have a beautiful 18 month old daughter named Kyliegh Elizabeth, and she is our world. When I was 39 weeks pregnant with her I had to be induced for PIH, or Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. I had a Doctor’s appointment that morning, and when I got there and they checked my Blood Pressure I was informed I would be having a baby. I was ecstatic. I went upstairs to L&D to get situated while my fiance, Charles, went home to get the Hospital Bag. For 12 hours I labored naturally before finally agreeing to the epidural (Which I was reluctant to get, but they seemed adamant. I didn’t realizing it at the time, but I think they had already decided what was coming.) and all was good for a little while. But then the epidural started to wear off on one side, and my Blood Pressure decided to spike a little. It was then that they said the words I had been dreading… “C-Section.” The funny thing is, though, is that I had been dreading it for all the wrong reasons. I was scared of the physical pain it would cause me. But by that point in time I was so exhausted and in enough pain that I just didn’t care, I wanted labour to be done. So I signed the papers and they whisked me off to the OR. At 3:35am my daughter was born. I was so doped up on medications that I could barely even focus on her, but I could hear her cry. That was all that mattered, and I was wheeled into recovery with a smile on my face. Those first few days flew by in a blur, and I didn’t know at the time the emotional toll my birth experience was going to play on me. Throughout my entire pregnancy I had visions of the birth… Of holding Charles’ hand as I worked through the pain, holding my daughter as soon as she was born, getting to breastfeed right away… I never envisioned being strapped to a table, so doped up that I could barely make out her face before she was whisked off. I didn’t see my daughter for two hours after she was born. Two. Hours. I missed the first hour of my daughter’s life. I know in the grand scheme of things that really isn’t all that important, and she obviously wont remember. But to me it’s still important, and I missed it. I know that it was the best thing to do for me and my daughter, and I hold no regrets. I would do it again in a heartbeat. But I still mourn for the birth experience I wanted but never got.

I was hoping for a tempurature spike today, which would mean I ovulated. I was almost positive that it was "O" time... But it only went up by 0.04 of a degree. This is only my first month temping, so I am by far not an expert on the topic. but I don't think that's enough of a jump. It's kind of depressing, really... I'm already on CD 25... I'm only, like, 10 or 11 days past my period so it makes sense that this wouldn't be it, but still... I was sure. It seems like it's taking forever. *sigh* Oh well. Hopefully soon! This whole waiting thing is driving me insane...

That having an orgasm either just before or at the same time as your partner orgasms is supposed to up your chances of having a boy? And that not orgasming during sex is likely to up your chances of having a girl? ((That explains a lot, actually.)) Apparently it has something to do with the speed at which male and female sperms swim and the acidic levels in the vagina... Well, if at all possible, we'd like a boy this time. :) Hahaha. Anyways, here is a little more insight into it...

"The idea behind the Shettles Method of sex selection is based on the premise that the X and Y chromosome carrying sperm have different characteristics and that under different circumstances either X- or Y-chromosome-carrying sperm will be more likely to fertilize the egg.

The Y-chromosome-carrying sperm are said to:

be faster and smaller than the X-chromosome carrying sperm.
die faster than the X-chromosome-carrying sperm.

The X-chromosome-carrying sperm are said to:

be slower than the Y-chromosome carrying sperm.
be better able to withstand the acidic cervical environment before fertile cervical fluid is produced.

Based on these premises, according to Shettles, you can time intercourse, choose a sexual position that favors conception of your preferred sex and influence the reproductive environment to increase the likelihood of conceiving your preferred sex. These are the suggestions from Dr. Shettles:

To Get A Boy (According to Shettles):

Time intercourse as close to ovulation as possible: The idea is that since the Y-chromosome sperm are faster than the X-chromosome sperm, there will be more Y-chromosome sperm who reach the egg, making it more likely that a Y-chromosome carrying sperm will fertilize the egg.
Abstain from intercourse for four to five days prior to ovulation. Have intercourse only just at the time of ovulation and just before.
Have intercourse that allows for deep penetration. Shettles recommends rear-entry (aka, “doggy-style”). The idea is that the sperm will be deposited closer to the cervix where cervical fluid is most friendly to the Y-chromosome sperm and where the “boy sperm” are more likely to survive since there is less distance to travel.
Men avoid tight clothes: heat kills off both types of sperm, but will kill off the less protected, smaller Y-chromosome sperm faster, according to Shettles.
Women have an orgasm: According to Shettles, female orgasm increases the alkaline secretions in the vagina that are favorable to the Y-chromosome carrying sperm. Shettles recommends having an orgasm before or at the same time as the male partner.

To Get a Girl (According to Shettles):

Have intercourse 2-3 days before ovulation and avoid intercourse just before ovulation until 2 days after ovulation and when you have peak cervical fluid: The idea is that when you have sex a few days before ovulation, only the X-chromosome “girl sperm” will be left in the female reproductive tract waiting to fertilize the egg when it is released.
Have intercourse with shallow penetration: Shettles recommends “missionary position”or any position that will deposit the sperm slightly away from the cervix, giving advantage to the longer living, but slower X-chromosome-carrying sperm.
Women avoid orgasm: Shettles suggests women avoid orgasm because it makes the vaginal environment more alkaline, and less acidic and is disadvantageous to the X-chromosome “girl sperm”."

Me and one of my Best Friends bought a spell on eBay. That's right. A spell. From a one Mia-Angel. After doing some research I learned that she actually came highly reccomended, has a high satisfaction rate, and was actually featured in a Pregnancy magazine. Pretty cool, huh? I know some people think it's a bunch of Mumbo-Jumbo, and maybe it is. But after a few years of studying Wicca when I was in highschool I don't think it's any more far fetched than Catholicism. In fact in some cases it may even be less far fetched... But that's another discussion for another time and place. ;) The spell only cost me $12 and has a money back guarantee, so I figure... What the heck? I don't really have much to lose, and I have a ton to gain. When speaking to Mrs. Mia before purchasing the spell I was informed that all I had to do was believe... And since I already think that at least 95% of our physical afflictions and what have you can somewhat be controlled by the brain and what you believe I have full faith in her. I am currently awaiting a confirmation email from her so that I know she got all my information correctly, and then I'll be waiting for my Charm and Instructions to come in the mail. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes from there.

And so they start.... again. When I was pregnant with my daughter all I dreamed about was babies. Cute babies, ugly babies, kitten babies, babies with octopus legs, evil babies, angel babies... If you can think it and add "babies" onto the end then I probably dreamed it. Then when I started trying for our second 10 months ago I started having POAS (Pee On A Stick) dreams where I would get a positive on a test. Then I would wake up and be crushed. And it's starting again... Last night I had another POAS dream. Although in this one I peed on two sticks, and the first one (for some reason that is beyond me) got melted. But it wasn't burnt... just melted. And I could vaugely see a little pink plus sign in the mangled plastic. Now, why there was a pink plus sign I don't know, because I've never seen pink dye tests with plus signs around here anywhere. But I digress. So after seeing the mangled pink plus sign I immediately took another, and low and behold there was another positive! Rah Rah Rah! And the dream ended with me in a musical about a princess, but it wasn't really a musical it was real, and blardy blardy blardy... It wasn't really important. Even during the rest of the dream all I could focus on was "I'm Pregnant!" Aaaannnnnndddd then my alarm went off. *sigh* Well, it was good while it lasted. :)

I had an appointment with my OBGYN just to check in and make sure all my tests came back okay... and they did! He gave us the green light to go ahead and start TTC last time we were there, but I wasn't really holding out much hope of actually being able to try until all of my tests came back perfect. Not a single hormone level out of whack, not one fillopian tube out of place.. apparently my baby-bits are in 100% working order. Which is great news... but the BEST news that I recieved was when I asked him his stance on VBAC's (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). I asked him if they allow them at our hospital and if he's comfortable with them, and his response was, "Oh yes, all the time! It's standard procedure with me." That one little sentence? Made. My. Day. I was literally about to start tearing up I was so happy. I don't think I realized just how important a VBAC was to me until that point in time. I mean, I knew I wanted one but I figured I could live wsithout it... but when he said those words it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there. I have already started doing a little bit of research on VBAC's and how to be successful. I'm really hoping that I can make it work.

Wish me luck!

Especially since our daughter is only 18 months old. So I only can imagine how crazy they'd think we are to know that we actually started trying for number two when she was 8 months old, only to have our plans foiled by numerous medical issues on my part. It all started in a painful lump that my Family Physician thought was a hernia, and ended in a two month long period... Of course there was lots in between and those two things aren't connected, but that's the gist of it. In the end there is apparently no cause for sed painful lump, and the period thing was cured with some progesterone. So now I'm apparently a functioning member of society again. Which means baby time is back on, and we couldn't be happier!

We are officially trying for our second baby.

I'm eccstatic and nervous... eccstatic for the obvious reasons... nervous for many. How long will it take? How will my daughter adjust to having a sibling? How much will our lives change? Can I love another child as much as I love my daughter? These, and many more, are the questions I will have to work through from now until the time I'm giving birth.