Whelmed...

I don't know if I'm overwhelmed or underwhelmed... I'm kinda bouncing back and forth between the two, so I'm just going to use the term "whelmed." This whole TTC mess is really starting to take it's toll on me... So much so that I told both my SIL (so essentially my whole family) and DH's SIL (so essentially HIS whole family) that we initially started trying over a year and nine months ago and are having a rough time just so everyone would stop saying, "Oh, it's time for another one!" or "Time for Kiwi to have a little brother or sister, don't you think?" We wanted another since Kiwi was 8 months old... Thanks for reminding me that I'm failing. I always get the random urge to burst out into tears without so much as a warning these days. It's so stupid. I'm so frustrated with myself for feeling this way, but I can't help it. I know I just need to have faith, but I'm having trouble holding onto whatever shreds of it are left. I feel bad for feeling like this because I know there are people who have tried much longer than I have. I try to consume my time with Kiwi and household projects and whatever else I can, and that used to work great, but I find it creeping into my mind more and more as we creep ever closer to that 2 year mark.