Fingers crossed!

Fertility Friend gave me my crosshairs today, so I am supposedly 3dpo. I'm hoping that this time it's for real, but I wouldn't be surprised if I had a repeat of last month where Fertility Friend kept switching up my ovulation date, and then eventually the crosshairs disappeared all together. I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'm expecting my temp to drop back down any day now.

Google....

Google can be the enemy. Seriously. I've been googling PCOS and "Thick Uterine Lining" and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. It seems that I have a few of the symptoms of PCOS, but my hormones are normal. Which lead me to looking for other causes of thick uterine lining.. So, of course, being the curious person I am I decided to open up Google and get my search on... Bad idea. I was greeted with page after page about endometrial cancer. Greeeaaaaaaaat. I doubt I have it, but it's just one more thing that I get to worry about. *sigh* And I'm still Googling it... I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm calling tomorrow for my newest Ultrasound results... hopefully they are in.... and hopefully my uterine lining is back to normal.

Still not looking good...

It's been a few days since I last posted, but not much has changed. I still haven't ovulated, I still don't have any answers... I had an ultrasound done a week ago to check the thickness of my uterine lining because at my last ultrasound it was very thick... I made a comment about how I hope there was nothing too wrong going on in there, and the Tech was like, "Well, I am not allowed to say anything.... The radiologist will look at it, and your results should be back in a week or so... " which I expected, but she had been so upbeat during the whole appointment, and when she said that she just sounded melancholy. Perhaps I was just reading into it too much. I hope there isn't anything bad going on in there...

I had a temp dip yesterday, and today I had a temp rise... So I'm hoping that maybe I ovulated. But I've had that hope a couple times already an nothing has come of it, so I'm going to try not to get my hopes up too high. I can not wait until June so I can just get on the freaking Clomid and forget about all this stupid guessing.

Getting Discouraged...

I thought I may have ovulated, but my temps don't back it up. And I know I've been taking them right this cycle. Yesterday afternoon/last night I had some sharp pains and light cramps in or around my right ovary that felt like what people describe as ovulation pain, and I had a temp rise this morning but it was only by a couple tenths of a degree... not enough of an indicator of anything. I'm not sure if it just takes your body a couple days to register ovulation, or what... But I'm starting to worry that this might be another anovulatory cycle. I was so sure that my body would start working on it's own again after I got a visit from AF a week after starting the Metformin... I think I got my hopes up too high. And now that things don't seem to be working it's weighing heavy on my mind, and on my heart. I can't help but get frustrated... why me? Why so young? I stopped ovulating at age 16.... 3 freaking years after I started. That can't be normal. And ever since then I've needed some kind of intervention... Either Provera or birth control or some other hormone... stuff to keep it going. I come from a bigger family, and I loved it growing up. I want that for Kyliegh... and I'm scared I'm not going to be able to give it to her. And that breaks my heart.

Maybe, baby...

I am cautiously optimistic that I may have ovulated yesterday. I had a little temp spike this morning, and for the last couple days I have been more than willing to BD... a lot. Whereas usually I could go for a whole week (or more) without even thinking about sex. I was actually turned down by Chaz... sadly that was yesterday. The day I may have ovulated. If I didn't know that there was definitely enough baby juice in my system to cover our bases I would probably be pretty depressed about it. Hahaha. I'm going to try to not get my hopes up, because I have had temp spikes in my previous cycle that turned out to be nothing, but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Welcome back Libido...

I hope you're here to stay. :)


The last few days I want sex. All. The. Time. I don't know if I'm ovulating, or if it's from the Metformin, or what. Either way I'm thinking that Chaz is happy. lol. 

New Years Baby?

I'm on CD 14... I know that technically that means nothing for me, but I can't help but be a little excited that I might ovulate soon. If I do and I manage to catch the egg by some miracle, then I might have a New Years Baby! How cool would that be? :)

Almost there?

I know, on average, a woman will ovulate on CD 14... Today is CD 13. I don't expect to ovulate tomorrow, but perhaps in the next week or so. If I even ovulate. I'm hoping to have a normal cycle, but since it's only my first month on Metformin I'm not holding my breath... But I'd be lying if I said the waiting wasn't killing me.

Ignorance about VBAC's...

If someone wants to have a Repeat C-Section then that's their choice. I'm not going to preach the benefits of a VBAC for mother and Baby, I'm not going to tell them about all the risks associated with C-Sections... I mean, it's up to every person to make the decisions that they think are best for them and their family. But I get REALLY annoyed when people post completely ignorant statements about VBAC's. On another site (I wont say which, but it's a VBAC support group) I read a post about people who were planning repeat C-Sections and saying some things that were crazy. "I talked to my Dr and I'm doing a RCS because he told me about the risks " ...Really? Because the risk to mother and baby are much higher with a RCS. "I have other chidlren at home, and don't want to risk a vaginal birth because I want to be there for them if something went wrong." Again, the risks are higher for a RCS than a Vbac... "Oh, the recovery is longer for VBAC." Actually, it's shorter. The same as any vaginal birth. And I have another child at home that I want to be able to hold and play with... I can't do that while caring for a newborn AND recovering from major surgery... And, finally, "I won't feel any less of a woman for not choosing VBAC, so I'm doing a RCS." That's great! Good for you! But it's not about "feeling like a woman" it's about what I think is best for my baby and my family, it has nothing to do with my own personal needs. 

I mean... I will ALWAYS do what I think is best for my children and my family. If it comes down to me needing another C-Section for a medical reason, then yes I will get one. I just get annoyed with ignorant statements like these that imply that I am being a horrible person because I want to have a VBAC. I just wish people would do their research before spouting out things like this. If you're planning on having a Repeat C-Section it's all fine and dandy. I'm not putting RCS down... for some people that is the best option, and that's fine. I'm just annoyed with people who judge VBACs without even knowing what they're talking about. 
If anything, though, these statements have probably pushed me into wanting a VBAC even more. So I guess there is one upside. lol. 
/end rant*

The waiting...

I'm not sure which is worse... Waiting to ovulate, or waiting to test. I'm on day 2 of temping... I probably wont ovulate (If I even DO ovulate) for another week or more. I think this is going to be a loooongggg week. Then, if I ovulate, it's back to the waiting for another 2 weeks. *sigh* I feel like I've been waiting forever already. I know some people have waited even longer than me, so I feel bad complaining about it... but it's hard not to. It's been over a year now... A year is a long time. I remember last year on this day I posted an April Fool's pregnancy announcement on Facebook, and all I remember thinking at the time was "I wish this wasn't an April Fool's joke." Oh well... I guess the longer I wait, the sweeter it will be when I finally get that BFP. I just hope I don't have to wait too much longer...