I'm baaack!

It's been... A year and almost 10 months since my last post. And guess what? We are, sadly, still waiting. I became depressed about the whole situation around the same time I stopped posting, and eventually I forgot about this blog. I have been through another 6 months of clomid, an exploratory laparoscopic surgery, and many more ups and downs since I have last shared my thoughts with you. Right now we are at a stalemate. We just have to keep waiting and praying and loving our family for how it is right now, in this moment, for what it already is. A bit of an update on our family... My husband and I recently celebrated two years married! I love him more each day. We just finished a bunch of renovations on our home and are in the process of getting everything reorganized. The biggest change and adjustment, however, has been that our daughter Kiwi (Who is almost 4 1/2 now, by the way!) started her French Immersion preschool program in September! I am still adjusting to not having her home with me all day long. We had driven her down for the first month and a half until the bus program was worked out for the new littles in the school, and she just started taking the "big kid" bus on Friday. She is so excited about school, and I hope that she keeps that love alive for a long time!

Here she is (in the purple) getting on the bus for the first time ever! We may, however, be starting a new journey. I will post about it soon... ;)

More waiting...

Lately it seems like that's all TTC is for us... waiting, waiting, waiting. You have to wait a year before seeing your OB about infertility. Then you have to wait while you try this medication and that medication. Then you have to wait a few months to make sure they're working properly... Then you have to wait for more appointments. You have to wait for ovulation, then you have to wait to test, and if that fails then you have to wait for AF. Then you wait, wait, and wait some more... I'm so tired of waiting. But here I am yet again. After waiting (surprise surprise) two months to finally get in to see my OB I have been informed that I have to stop taking the Clomid and WAIT two months if I can't ovulate on my own, or I have to WAIT three months if I do. Then we'll reassess.

I can't WAIT to be pregnant. I know there is a lot of waiting involved in pregnancy, too, but at least you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Cycle Day 1...

AF is here... I go back to see my OB on Wednesday. I'm nervous... I don't know where we go from here and that scares me. I'm so scared he's going to tell us there is nothing else he can do for us or something. I hope he'll let me stay on the Clomid, or maybe let me try something else... Maybe even injectables if it's an option. I just know we wont be able to afford any actual procedures any time soon... The nearest fertility clinic has absolutely no competition and they charge outrageous prices for even the most basic fertility procedures, and our MSI wont cover infertility... Which pisses me off because it covers everything else except cosmetic surgery... Well, infertility isn't cosmetic. It's medical. But that's a whole other rant.

I guess it's back to the waiting game.

BFN.

...Not much else to say.

Saturday.

Saturday is test day. I think, based on ovulation cramps and ECM, that I ovulated on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. So right now I'm about 11dpo... It's hard holdng out. Usually I've tested a couple times by now. lol. I hope we caught the egg this time. If we didn't I'm not too sure where we go from here. Hopefully my OB will let me stay on the Clomid... Only time will tell I guess.

Trying to take a more relaxed approach...

Just going with the flow this month. I'm not temping or tracking anything. Just going to BD every other day and hope for the best... lets see where this takes us.

Should have seen it coming...

AF arrived at 15dpo. Crushed? Yes. Surprised? No. This sucks. I guess it's onto our last month of Clomid, then we'll have to re-evaluate our situation and figure out where we go from here.

I want a baby. :(